Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
