I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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