Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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