Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
