I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
