The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Couch. On fire.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
