I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Success! We fucked roommates!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
