my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
