Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
