i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize