are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My balls are so social today.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
