Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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