How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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