i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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