Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
