it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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