it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
