i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
