took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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