I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
