I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
