Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
