My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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