someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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