It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
