I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
