Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
