The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
