It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
