OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
