it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
