its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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