my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
