just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
