I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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