The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
