I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Bring me that man meat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
