Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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