dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
