I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
