i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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