quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
