Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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