I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize