ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
