She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
