dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
