You just made me feel so damn special
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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