Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
