dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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