True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
