I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We just shotgunned beers for America
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
