dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
