please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize