Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
