My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
