Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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