were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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