His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
