My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
