my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
