you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
