Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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