Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
