I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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