She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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