Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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