I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
