sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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