i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
