Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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