Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
