id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
