so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
