True but thats because hes a fetus.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
